Q&A with addiction expert and founder of Changes Addiction Rehab, Sheryl Rahme
Transcript Below:
- Why is December such a critical time for addicts and alcoholics in recovery?
[00:09] I think Christmas time, December time, is very tricky because history says that it’s party time. It’s time to cut loose and let your hair down and drink more, use more, have time – if you’re on leave. And I think that there is just the connotation of the silly season. So, for newly recovering addicts and alcoholics I think it’s a very painful time. It’s a very lonely time, a very scary time. For people who have got longer clean time they might have had some experience at what to do at the Christmas holiday period, but for the first year or two it’s very difficult.
- What can families do to help their loved ones stay sober this festive season?
[01:04] I think the first one is awareness. So, hopefully whatever treatment centre they’ve been in, you have attended family support groups, you’ve learnt – hopefully in the family support groups you’ll have learnt how to support them, learnt what the disease of addiction is about. And hopefully your facility has told you to keep a sober home so that they’re not witness to drinking, access to alcohol and other drugs, sleeping tablets etcetera, that might be in your home. And ask them what they need. Don’t assume that they’re cured. Don’t assume that they’re fixed. And don’t assume because there is a smile on their face that they are happy. It’s very difficult at this time of the year for anyone in fresh recovery. They’re not happy. They’re terrified. They’re anxious. They want to please. They want to make amends for what they’ve done in the past. And, I think the most important thing families can do is to be very very vigilant.
- What are some key boundaries families can put in place over this time?
[02:07] I think the first boundaries to adhere to are the addiction recovery boundaries you have set up leading up to the December period. So, recovery doesn’t take a holiday, because it doesn’t suit you or doesn’t feel comfortable, don’t go back on what you’ve already done. It’s very important that, if you have made a promise you stick to it. If you have set a boundary, you stick to it. And if there [are] requests to go out more, to test those boundaries and limits, is to keep firm and say no and reach out for support – maybe contact the counsellor or the family support person just to help reiterate but remember recovery doesn’t take a break.
- What are some key changes that can be put in place all year round?
[02:58] I think there’s quite a few things one can implement. The first one I like to suggest is have dinner together: Eat a meal at least once a day, at least five/ six times a week where you’re talking, cellphones are away, music’s off, Tv’s off, where you’re actually chatting as a family and not talking about the past, but just chatting, about how we’re doing, what’s going on or how the day was. The other one, as I said, is keep a sober home. Don’t let them have access to seeing alcohol in the fridges and bars and things like that. Sticking to the boundaries, very very important. And regular attendance at a 12-step family support group – support group like Naranon, Toughlove, the Changes family support group. And I think mindfulness about still attending the 12-step meetings, working with your sponsor, continuing with therapy. If your therapist is on leave maybe up your meetings, do some extra meetings, buckle down on stepwork, do a lot of service, maybe do some volunteering: Soup kitchens, animal shelters, the aged, people that maybe, meals on wheels, helping people to cook for disadvantaged people. I think keeping busy but not frantically busy and awareness and support. It’s very important to talk about it. It hasn’t gone away.
- Lastly Sheryl, what are some common mistakes you see people that early in recovery making over December as well as their families when it comes to engaging with them?
[04:33] I think one of the first ones is they buy non-alcoholic drinks to help the recovering addict or alcoholic fit in and that’s very dangerous. And it should be a taboo. You can’t pretend that you’re not an alcoholic in December. Also, not to cook with alcohol and to make puddings etcetera with alcohol. It doesn’t burn away. The alcoholic brain doesn’t know how to discern the difference between cooked alcohol and raw alcohol. And, also to not try and take their emotions away and try and control them. A lot of families really are flustered at this time of the year. They want to protect. They can become a little bit unhealthy and a little bit inappropriate. They try and take cravings away. Sometimes they become pseudo counsellors or sponsors. They often encourage them to miss meetings because we’ve got a Christmas party, we’ve got a dinner, we’re going to church, we’re going to shul, we’re going to the mosque. It’s about inconsistency and recognising that the Christmas period in recovery is just another day as every other day in people’s lives that are living with the disease of addiction and in recovery.
ENDS