Denial is the mental defence that lets addiction continue, and the 12 patterns of denial are the specific stories an addict or alcoholic tells to keep drinking or using while avoiding the truth. To recover from addiction, you have to be able to identify denial first. The 12 patterns of denial were developed by international addiction expert Terence Gorski to do just that.
Read more about the patterns of denial below. The table maps each pattern to the self-talk that drives it.
| Pattern | The Self-Talk Behind It |
|---|---|
| Avoidance | I will talk about anything but my real problem |
| Absolute Denial | No, not me, I do not have a problem |
| Minimising | My problem is not that bad |
| Rationalising | I have good enough reasons to keep drinking |
| Blaming | It is not my fault, so it is not my problem |
| Comparing | Others are worse than me |
| Compliance | I will pretend to co-operate if you leave me alone |
| Manipulation | I will admit it only if you fix it for me |
| Flight Into Health | I feel better, so I must be cured |
| Recovery by Fear | Being scared of it will keep me sober |
| Strategic Hopelessness | Nothing works, so why try |
| The Democratic Disease State | It is my life and my right to destroy it |
Denial in addiction is rife and the two often go hand in hand. Addicts and alcoholics often need a level of denial to carry on justifying their using and drinking to themselves and to everyone else. Denial in addiction often works subconsciously, which is why becoming aware of these patterns, and then dismantling them, is so important in addiction treatment.
A popular acronym for denial is Don’t Even Know I Am Lying.
Are you in denial? We will help you answer that question by explaining the 12 patterns of denial through the example of John, a 28-year-old alcoholic who was recently admitted to a rehab in Joburg.
For background, John has been drinking for the last decade, but his addiction progressed to dangerous levels in the past four years. He has been taken to the emergency room multiple times for alcohol poisoning and for injuries sustained while drunk. His wife divorced him a year ago because of his aggressive behaviour while drunk. John binge drinks from Thursday to Monday, and on entering treatment he was convinced he was simply a social drinker rather than an alcoholic.
This was despite the fact that once he has one drink he is unable to stop, and despite having tried to quit many times by himself without success.
If you look at the definition of addiction, the continued and compulsive use of substances despite negative consequences, then John is most certainly an addict.
The 12 Patterns of Denial in Addiction
1. Avoidance
“I’ll talk about anything but my real problems.”
This is denial by omission. When John was in treatment, he would talk about his career in business, about all his accolades, about his family, about his divorce, about absolutely everything except his problem with alcohol.
- Read more about Avoidance
2. Absolute Denial
“No, not me. I don’t have a problem.”
At the start of treatment, John point blank refused to admit he was an alcoholic. Despite all the evidence of how alcohol had come to control his life and his every decision, he refused to even entertain the idea. He was in treatment after being caught drunk at work, yet his denial was so thick in those first few days that he refused to introduce himself as an alcoholic.
- Read more about Absolute Denial
3. Minimising
“My problems aren’t that bad.”
After some therapy, John came to tentatively accept he had a problem with alcohol, but he told his counsellor it really wasn’t so bad. He did not drink every single day, he had not lost his job and he was still functional. It was only alcohol rather than other drugs, and alcohol is legal anyway. He claimed that while he had a problem, it was not significant enough to warrant going to rehab.
- Read more about Minimising
4. Rationalising
“If I can find good enough reasons for my problems, I won’t have to deal with them.”
His drinking only got heavy when he started hitting stress at work. Alcohol was the only thing that could help him de-stress, so he said.
- Read more about Rationalising
5. Blaming
“If I can prove that my problems are not my fault, I won’t have to deal with them.”
John said he used alcohol to cope with his divorce and with depression. He was also abused as a child and his parents did not stop the abuse. He felt these were big enough reasons to push him to lean on alcohol, so turning to drinking was not his fault either. He asked why he must be punished for the trauma of his past, and decided that because of these problems he “deserved” a drink to unwind.
- Read more about Blaming
6. Comparing
“Showing that others are worse than me proves that I don’t have serious problems.”
John’s older sister is 10 years clean from heroin. When she was using she spent time on the street after countless stints in rehab, then chose recovery and never looked back. Throughout his drinking, John compared his addiction to hers and always came out thinking his own problems were nothing next to hers. In his mind he had never used drugs, never injected, never been to rehab and never ended up on the street.
His counsellor warned him this was only a matter of “yet”. He had not lost his job, his house, his car, his brain, his health or his life, yet.
- Read more about Comparing
7. Compliance
“I’ll pretend to do what you want if you’ll leave me alone.”
After a couple of weeks in treatment, John figured that resistance was futile. He started following the rules, but not because he wanted to or believed in them. He just wanted his peers and counsellors off his back. He shared about his problem but told only 25% of the story, leaving out important information and experiences, which delayed his progress rather than speeding it up.
You need to look honestly and deeply into yourself to start to heal and enter recovery. He also agreed to follow a 12-step programme when he left treatment, and agreed to pay back money he stole to feed his addiction, with no real intention of doing either.
This is a particularly difficult pattern of denial because the addict often convinces themselves that they are doing the right thing for the right reasons when they are not.
- Read more about Compliance
8. Manipulation
“I’ll only admit that I have problems if you agree to solve them for me.”
Eventually John began to get honest about his problem with his counsellor. He did so expecting the counsellor to do the work for him and hand him an easy guide to recovery. He did not want to do the mental and emotional work of facing his problem, so he refused stepwork, the written work designed to help addicts become more self-aware, break their denial and change unhealthy thoughts and behaviours.
He also shared only the information he thought would get him through treatment faster. He exaggerated his progress in admitting he was an alcoholic. He repeated phrases he learnt from his peers to convince his counsellor he was actively facing his problem and his denial.
- Read more about Manipulation
9. Flight Into Health
“Feeling better means that I’m cured.”
After a couple of weeks of sobriety, John began to feel much better physically and mentally. Regular meals and sleep restored his body and he began to gain weight, and his mind felt clearer without alcohol and the constant obsession with drinking. He decided this meant he was cured and no longer had a problem. It is common for addicts to forget the severity of their problem once their brains and bodies start to heal in sobriety.
- Read more about Flight Into Health
10. Recovery by Fear
“Being scared of my problems will make them go away.”
When John came into treatment, he received a full evaluation from a medical doctor and underwent a battery of tests. The doctor told him he had done serious damage to his liver and would be at risk of liver failure if he returned to alcohol. He was also told he was at risk of “wet brain”, a kind of brain damage from alcohol, if he continued to drink. This came as a shock and instilled some fear about his problem.
He convinced himself this fear would keep him sober. When he left treatment he did not follow a 12-step programme as recommended and relied on fear to prevent relapse. That only kept him sober for a couple of months before he started drinking again. Without a strong recovery programme, relapse is inevitable, because addiction is a brain disease that fear alone cannot manage.
- Read more about Recovery by Fear
11. Strategic Hopelessness
“Since nothing works, I don’t even have to try.”
John kept relapsing and returned to rehab three times last year. He began to think his was a hopeless case and convinced himself of it. During his third stint, he told his counsellor he was simply not meant for recovery, and that since rehab had not worked before, why would it work now. His counsellor reminded him that his sister is in recovery after many more attempts, and that treatment works as long as you do the work.
His counsellor reminded him that all he needs to do is decide to be in recovery and keep working a programme. No one is a lost cause, and anyone can get recovery once they make that decision and do the work. Telling yourself you are a hopeless case simply gives you a licence to keep drinking and dodge responsibility for your problem.
- Read more about Strategic Hopelessness
12. The Democratic Disease State
“I have the right to destroy myself and no one has the right to stop me.”
“Stuff you, it’s my life.” These were John’s words when his family tried to intervene and send him back to treatment after his first relapse. He eventually lost his job and could no longer pay maintenance for his children. He wanted people to leave him alone and let him slowly kill himself through drinking, mistakenly thinking his drinking affected him alone.
Everyone around the addict is affected by their addiction. Continuing to drink and thinking it is your right to do so reflects the selfish nature of the illness. John’s wife and children were harmed by his drinking, and they were also lifted up when he chose to get sober and follow a programme. In recovery he could support his family again and be a present father to his kids.
- Read more about The Democratic Disease State
Are You in Denial About Addiction?
Do any of those patterns of behaviour sound familiar? If they do, you are probably in denial. As the saying goes, denial is not just a river in Egypt. It is a serious problem that has to be faced before you can recover from addiction, and the longer you take to overcome it, the longer it takes to get clean and sober.
Acceptance means facing your denial, and it is the first step towards a lasting recovery.
Get Help With Denial in Addiction at Changes Rehab
Recognising the patterns of denial in yourself or someone you love is the hardest and most important step. You do not have to work out which pattern you are in on your own. The Changes Rehab team in Johannesburg will help you look at your drinking or using honestly and decide what to do next.
Take the confidential addiction self-assessment to see where you stand in a few minutes. When you are ready to get someone into treatment, our team can pre-authorise your admission and guide you through medical aid and next steps. You can also call the admissions line on 081 444 7000.
Spot the 12 patterns of denial in addiction that block honest recovery, and take a free confidential self-assessment to find your next step today.. Changes team counsellors are here to help you.Recognise 12 Patterns Of Denial In Addiction Today
